How to Avoid the Happiness Trap and the Negativity Bias

How to Avoid the Happiness Trap and the Negativity Bias

Everything is Going to Be Alright Or Is It

I believe there is a shadow side to personal growth: it’s our addiction to happiness (or peace or wellbeing or…well, you name it).

In fact, when we embark upon a healing journey, we often create an unspoken expectation that everything will be on the “up and up” from here on out.

But to be human is to acknowledge both the joys and the pains of life, the light and the dark.

And that means, sometimes, we break down and cry (yep, just today).

We rage (ah yes, today as well).

We might even hurt the people we love (unfortunately that was also part of my day).

However, if we are truly being present, we don’t remain there; everything is impermanent.

Our consciousness gives us the opportunity to cycle back to our higher truth, even after honoring the not-so-pretty parts of ourselves.

On the flipside, our brains are wired to seek out danger; we have a negativity bias in place that makes it more challenging to see the good once we get into that dark place.

So how can we embrace both the joys and challenges of our day to day lives, without falling into the trap of becoming addicted to one or the other?

Click play on the video below for one simple process to honor the joys and challenges (without falling into the happiness trap or negativity bias):

I would love to hear from you:

Where is your deep need for “everything to be alright” keeping you from honoring the fullness of your life experience?

More importantly, where can you bring compassion to your experience to fully accept those moments so that the energy can move through you instead of get stuck in you?

Once you begin to consistently honor all the ways energy wants to move through you, you’ll feel more clear to hear that inner wisdom in all of its voices.

With love to support you through the ups AND downs,

Sabrina

P.S.

Curious about hypnosis? Go behind the scenes with my process as I guide Stas of Think Clever through a short trance during our podcast interview – click here to listen!

P.P.S.

Today’s message was a sneak peek of episode 6 of my weekly IGTV show “Soul Aligned w/Sabrina.” If it resonated, I invite you to click the below to join me on Instagram and get notified as soon as each new episode goes live in my feed:

@thesabrinabolin
4 questions to help you reach your goals (most importantly, your Soul’s Goals!)

4 questions to help you reach your goals (most importantly, your Soul’s Goals!)

Fulfill your Soul's Goals

Setting goals might be easy, but actually achieving those goals? Notsomuch.

We fail to meet our goals for lots of reasons, but often the issue starts at the very beginning with the nature of the goal itself; instead of a soul’s goal, most of us set goals based on our ego’s fears rather than our soul’s true desires.

It’s easy to get tripped up when it comes to goal setting because our little minds (aka our egos) tend to focus on what we think is important based on everyone else’s standards, which doesn’t always line up with what we really want on the inside.

Trust me, I know this all too well.

My goals for most of my childhood involved working hard at school to please my parents and partying hard right after to please my friends.

I somewhat successfully maintained this intensity and commitment to a “work-hard/play-hard” lifestyle until the straw that broke this camel’s back:

As a junior Business major at Pepperdine University, I finally got my first B…and it broke me.

In hindsight, I can see how ridiculous this was, but at the moment, all I could think about was one thing:

I failed.

I had a goal, and that goal was to always be the best student in class, no matter the price. I didn’t question this goal until years later, when that same intensity led to a constant level of anxiety and near panic attacks.

It was at this point that I finally woke up, and through my own personal journey with hypnosis and opening myself to a stronger relationship with my intuition, I was finally able to understand the difference between ego’s goals and soul’s goals.

Soul’s goals are ones that marry the being with the doing and the essence of what we desire with the clear and practical vision of the potential outcomes.

In honor of this high energy time of the year, when many of us wake up on January 1st with a sense that anything is possible, I wanted to share 4 powerful questions that can help you reach your goals (and especially your soul’s goals!).

Grab something to write on, then click play on the video below:  

I would love to hear from you:

What Soul’s Goals have you set for yourself this year?

And what came through your intuition when you asked yourself the 4 questions I shared in today’s video?

I truly believe in you and what’s possible when you set your heart and mind to it…and I know that there is a part of you that believes in it too.

Trust that the more that you tune in and you listen, the more that part of you that believes is amplified and becomes the part that is truly creating this life that your soul came here to create.

Here’s to a POWERFUL new year.

Sending big love,

Sabrina

Are you living your life purpose?

Are you living your life purpose?

Life purpose can feel like such a BIG and heavy concept, filled with the potential for missteps and regret…how can we live life on purpose when we don’t feel we know what that really is?

What if we simplified it?

What if our purpose wasn’t based on one job or business or relationship or choice for that matter, but rather tuning in and making choices aligned with our intuition as often as we can?

I don’t believe there is “one true path” for any of us, but rather a multitude of possibilities that can help us achieve what we came to achieve: to make our unique mark on the world by how we live and how we love.

Unfortunately, I feel many of us get caught in the trap of obsessing over our impact through the work we do.

Let me preface this by saying that I DO believe the work we do is important, but more important than WHAT we do is HOW we do it.

One of my favorite practices to gain perspective is guiding my clients to “conversations on your deathbed” (morbid, I know, but hear me out – and better yet, play along by clicking the video below for a 10ish minute meditation):

When you are on your deathbed, what kind of life would you rather look back on?

One filled with constant reaching, striving, and stressing?

Or one where you showed up, stretched yourself enough to grow (but not until you broke), and where you consistently returned to your soul’s wisdom and the things that really matter most?

Most would choose the latter.

Because this is it, folks, the ONE version of this life…I may believe in past and future lives, but they will never look like this one.

So where in your life are you operating backward, obsessing over getting it all right, and how will you commit to letting your SOUL lead instead?

State it, share it, and keep committing to it day after day after day. Because this is your life, and you deserve to experience your deepest joy and highest alignment right now.

As always, with love,

Sabrina

Life is about the moments.

Life is about the moments.

Father and daughter love

Life these past few years has been full, in so many ways.

In addition to my beautiful and messy transition into motherhood, I also helped my dad move into a nursing home recently; it was a hard transition, but both he and I are grateful for so many little “assists” from the Universe along the way.

With a lot of time on his hands these days and a body that, in his words, doesn’t always do what he tells it to do, he’s found he spends much of that time on his inner world.

I believe great things can come from introspection; new ideas, answers to questions we’ve been pondering, sweet reflections on memories from the past.

But, as most of us well know, the thinking mind can also trip us up with its monkey chatter and focus on all of the things that aren’t working. For my dad, I can sense an old story drives his regrets, one that links his worth with what he’s seen as achieved in life.

Make no mistake, he has achieved a lot; his choices led him to create his own business with a heartfelt mission to teach english as a second language to people in developing countries so that they can empower themselves in the world market. But that business has since dissolved and circumstances have shifted so that the world around him can no longer see his “success.”

When I hear my dad lament about this, I hold space for the pain that feels real for him, but then lovingly reflect back to him what I believe to be true: that his life is worth so much more than any one thing that he has ever or ever will achieve.

We are more than our to do lists or anything outside who we are and the love we express.

This doesn’t discount any project or idea you are working hard to bring to life. On the contrary, I feel it honors it by recognizing it as a joyful expression of what’s inside of you.

So listen to that stirring in your heart to create, to show up, to do your soul’s work, whatever your work may be.

But (and this is a big but), if you find yourself sticking rigidly to your goals and find your worth has become completely entwined with your output, I invite you to step back to see the bigger picture.

We will never get there because we already are HERE…the now. This moment, the only real time there is.

I write these words not only as a love note to you, but also as a reminder to myself as well to keep my eye on the real prize: a life where I’ve followed my heart to create what’s within while embracing all the meaningful moments along the way.

With massive love,

Sabrina

P.S.

If you’d like a little support for your unconscious mind to more deeply integrate this message, I invite you to listen to the short guided meditation below:

Sometimes life gets messy.

Sometimes life gets messy.

Baby M in the NICU

When asked how I’m doing by friends who haven’t heard from me in awhile, I often say that I’m finally emerging from my cave…because for me, that was what the first few years of motherhood felt like.

I had read all of the books; my ego told me “I should have been prepared.”

But that isn’t how life works sometimes. Sometimes, the best preparation is simply practicing presence and surrender so that when sh*t gets messy, there is something deep inside that keeps you going.

Although I’m not ready to share all of the details yet, I will share that the unimaginable happened after my son was born and he spent his first couple of months in the NICU instead of with us at home.

It taught me that I have a lioness inside willing to fight for my child when the need arose, and I shifted to a more primal existence, one where survival ranked high and being seen and heard didn’t even show up in my awareness (or if it did, it was small and subtle, in dreams and passing moments).

Being in a cave was also a beautiful thing in that living in the present moment was necessary for survival; I couldn’t fathom thinking of what the next 5 years would look like when I could only see what the day ahead would bring.

I’m so grateful to share that despite a rough start, our son is thriving, and I equally thank the angels, my ancestors, and every single doctor, nurse and therapist who was a part of his healing process along the way.

Over the past several months, I’ve been hearing those whispers from my intuition again, the ones that invite me back into the light to radiate not only the messages I felt called to share before, but also to share a new one:

the world needs more powerful compassion for ALL of it, both the beauty AND the mess

Because life IS messy sometimes, and sometimes that mess can overwhelm us. And then we beat ourselves up for not “taking care of our mess,” but the reality is that when we’re in that space is when we need love most of all.

And so, here I am, emerging from my cave after learning to dance more gracefully with my shadows and those messy parts of myself I refused to look at before.

I’ve recommitted to the practices that changed my relationship to my own energy in the past and followed my intuition as I felt called to create something new.

And, in a classic “the Universe has a sense of humor” moment, the entire process was rife with mess.

The evening was planned out, our child was in bed, my partner in the director’s seat, and I was in my flow…only to discover after over 2 hours of filming that the sound was unusable.

And so I recognized the mess, gave myself just a moment to sit in it, then cleaned back up and went at it again.

The next planned evening was brutally hot, but I was determined to get the right lighting, so I set up the tripod outside and bought one of those cheap remote controls for my iphone camera so that I could coordinate the takes by myself while my partner stayed inside to keep an eye on our son.

Again, I was in my flow…until back to back airplanes flew right over the house for several minutes in a row.

So I sat in the mess, blotted the sweat from my face, and kept going.

Again, and again, and again, until finally I had filmed enough takes to *hopefully* ensure there would be something usable in editing.

And then, it all just seemed to click together.

The lighting worked, the sound worked, but most importantly, my message was strong and clear.

I share this with you to remind you that there is often a mess behind every finished product that is presented to you…but the fact that it is in front of you now means that someone, somewhere, saw that mess and worked through it anyway.

Messy journey and all, I am excited to share my finished product with you because I truly believe in the power of these processes.

It’s a 3 day video mini course called Chaos to Calm, and in it I teach 3 insightful tools from the world of hypnosis that will shift your energy, no matter what’s going on in the world around you.

You can access the course here – my gift to you, absolutely free:

Click here for the Chaos to Calm Mini Course

Because no matter how messy it all seems, we are the ones who choose how long we want to sit in it and when we’re ready to clean it all up and create something beautiful.

With big, big love,

Sabrina

Skip the shortcuts and enjoy the journey

Skip the shortcuts and enjoy the journey

Skip the shortcuts and enjoy the journey

There’s no destination. The journey is all that there is, and it can be very, very joyful.
~Srikumar Rao

A girlfriend and I hadn’t seen each other in awhile, and she suggested we meet up at the Getty to take in a little culture and a bite to eat, teasing me that we were truly growing into little old ladies who lunch at museums :).

I arrived a little early and had a choice between taking the tram from the parking structure up the big hill to the museum or taking the walking path that ran alongside it.

It was a hot breezeless day, and part of me wanted to take the shortcut, to sit down and relax in an air-conditioned box as I was carried up the hill, saving my legs for the galleries ahead.

But the other part of me wanted to slow down…to skip the shortcut and enjoy the journey instead.

So I began trekking up the hill and to my delight I was guided through a sculpture garden and onto a beautiful tree-lined path that offered an expansive and surprisingly enjoyable view; I must admit, there’s something wonderful about being able to look over the 405 freeway and be grateful you’re on foot surrounded by happy trees instead of in the car surrounded by angry drivers.

Staying off the beaten path gave me an opportunity to meet a lovely woman who was also venturing along the sidelines; we took the time to get wrapped up in a conversation around what we love most about the city we live in and sharing about the work that lights us up (both of us helping the world in our own way – her life as a lawyer and mine as a healer and coach).

By the time I reached the top and said goodbye to my new friend to meet up with my old one, I realized that taking the “long way” gave me the unexpected gift of discovering more about myself and my connection to the people and place around me.

So often we rush through life, with a single-minded focus on our goals, forgetting that the goals are simply anchors to guide us toward our expansion, but that real life can ONLY be experienced right here, right now.

Click to tweet!Click to tweet>> Slow down and enjoy both the destination as well as the journey along the way. <<Click to tweet

One way to intentionally slow down is through cultivating a practice of walking meditation, and I invite you to try it out through the 10 simple steps below:

  1. Find a private area where you can walk about 10 steps in one direction, indoors or outside (I always recommend getting out in nature if you can!).
  2. Begin standing in mountain pose, feet body-width apart and knees slightly bent and relaxed. Keep your eyes open, but soft, gazing easily in front of you (no need to watch your feet; trust that feeling them is enough).
  3. Focus awareness on the soles of your feet, feeling the weight of your body moving downward toward your feet and the physical connection with the ground beneath them.
  4. Allow the left heel to rise slowly and pay attention to all of the sensations moving up from the heel to ankle to calf. Notice the gentle shifting of the weight to the right foot. Notice if there is any wobbling as your left foot slowly moves toward the ground, bringing the attention first to the heel, then mid foot, then ball.
  5. Now bring the awareness to your right foot as you begin to slowly lift it off the ground, paying attention to those sensations you feel in the calf, ankle, and foot as you intentionally step forward.
  6. Repeat this process using the physical sensation of walking as your anchor, bringing your awareness back any time the mind wanders.
  7. When you reach the end, take a moment to simply stand and bring awareness back to the physical sensation of standing for a breath or two.
  8. Then repeat the process walking back the other direction, slowly, mindfully, and intentionally, taking small steps as you go.
  9. Continue walking for 10-15 minutes, varying the speed to slow down and speed up once you feel comfortable in your normal pace.
  10. Once the timer has gone off, stand once more in mountain pose, bringing awareness for a breath or two to the sensation of feeling present and grounded, enjoying what THIS moment has to offer.

I’d love to hear from you; what was your last experience of consciously slowing down to enjoy the journey in your life?