Dancing with Demons, Choosing Surrender

Dancing with Demons, Choosing Surrender

Dancing with Demons, Choosing Surrender

“To the ego mind, surrender means giving up.
To the spiritual mind, surrender means giving in and receiving.”
~Marianne Williamson, from The Law of Divine Compensation

While many were celebrating Thanksgiving this past week, immersed in abundance (connections, food, fun!), I was embarking on a deep journey within as I settled in at home alone for a 3 day White Light healing intensive with one of my teachers, Belinda Davidson.

What can I say…I’ve always done things a little differently.

My choice to immerse myself in this healing wasn’t just a fulfillment of my rebel tendencies, but a Divinely timed and much-needed break from the busyness of my world. It had been nearly 9 months since I had last embarked on such a retreat (read about that experience here), and I know myself well enough to know that I need a “reset” on the mind, body, and soul level more than just once a year.

Plus, my intuition told me it was time for another round of intensive healing, and as my intuition has yet to lead me astray, I chose once again to listen to her wisdom.

So I set up vacation auto-responders on my emails, made a “goodbye internet friends” announcement on my Facebook wall, and then quietly slipped into that sweet space unplugged from the online world.

Going into my retreat, I had high expectations of long hours meditating, journals filled with reflective writing, and perhaps even a hike in the mountains and some intensive time spent on my yoga mat.

Reality of course, is often quite different than expectations.

The day started off well enough; without the internet to distract me, I was finally able to dig into my growing stack of Yoga Journal magazines and read through 4 of them while spread out in my backyard on a blanket.

But a storm was brewing – both outside and within – and things had shifted for me once I finished reading and came back inside.

Instead of floating around in a space of bliss, I found myself in a state of panic and struggle with all the toxic thoughts and feelings that rushed to the surface when I slowed down enough to simply be.

My demons were here and ready to dance…and dance we did.

The first song was an old familiar tune called “What are you doing with your life?” with such lyrics as “Mistakes, mistakes, everywhere mistakes” and “Sure it might work for them, but would never work for you, you, you” and my old favorite “Hey, hey – give it up, give it up, give it up, hey!”

It’s a real catchy tune ;).

But dancing with demons was just the beginning…the Universe never leaves me stranded (in fact, it never leaves me at all), and I began to question why this had become the soundtrack of my life?

Or rather, an even better question, how long had this been playing on repeat in the background, sabotaging my inspired action with its negative energy?

In that moment I realized that I had become addicted to the busyness and craved the noise that came with it, trying to drown out my fears, rather than seeing them, accepting them and releasing them.

When I was tired of dancing with these demons, I decided that I would just “fix” it.

“I’m an intuitive coach! I can handle a little negative self-talk! Where are my tools – I just need my tools!”

And yet, the harder I tried, the harder it became to deal with.

Then…I got it. The healing began, as I experienced a “miracle” – or shift in perception – and I understood clearly the message the Universe was sending me all along…




Click to tweet!Click to tweet>> Surrender…and trust you will be taken care of. <<Click to tweet


My intuition brought me back to the truth that I am supported – in ways I could see, but also in many many ways that I couldn’t.

By the end of day 2, the storms had passed, literally and figuratively, and I emerged from my cave to take my dogs on a walk – intuitively knowing that physical movement and body love has always been key for me to integrate truth and get any remaining energy unstuck.

When I stepped outside, I saw how vibrant the world really is. The rain gave the air a crispness I could feel in my lungs as I took deep, cleansing breaths. I walked through my neighborhood recognizing that I didn’t have all the answers…and I was perfectly ok with that.

By day 3, I felt lighter than I had in weeks, leaving my demons behind as I stepped into a more expansive space of trust. Does that mean I’m “cured” – struggles now a thing of the past?

Surely not. As long as I’m alive and breathing with both an ego and intuition vying for my attention, I know I’ll forget once again.

But the beauty, the real beauty of life, isn’t in the forgetting but in the opportunity we have to remember who we are and how supported we are in each new moment, again and again and again.

I would love to hear from you: What does surrender look like right now in your life?

How to Release Expectations to Manifest what you REALLY want

How to Release Expectations to Manifest what you REALLY want

How to Release Expectations to Manifest what you REALLY want

I’ve always struggled with this idea that in order to get what you really want in life, you have to release expectations around what it will look like when it shows up.

But the Universe doesn’t let us struggle for long; in fact, I’ve found that it usually has a way of presenting opportunities to work through our struggles to learn the lesson on the other side.

The opportunity to learn this particular lesson popped up just last Monday when my 2 week Italian holiday plans got derailed. (more…)

Transforming Stress and Overwhelm to Focused Energy Through EFT Tapping

Transforming Stress and Overwhelm to Focused Energy Through EFT Tapping

Transforming Stress and Overwhelm to Focused Energy Through EFT Tapping

Overwhelm? You got nothin’ on me.

Because I’ve got a crazy simple yet ridiculously powerful tool to transform that overwhelming energy into calm focused energy.

Ok first a couple of basics:

1. Everything is energy.

2. Our mind and body are so intricately intertwined that oftentimes the best way to deal with the energy in one is to focus on the energy in the other.


Tapping, also known as EFT (or Emotional Freedom Technique), is one of the simplest ways to shift the energy in both your body and your mind at the same time.


So what the heck is tapping? (more…)

Manifesting Growth through Surrender

Manifesting Growth through Surrender

Manifesting Growth through Surrender (aka The Unexpected Surprise at my Mountain Retreat)

In the world of manifestation, we tend to focus a lot of energy and intention on a specific vision of what we are creating – and for good reason.

Our thoughts truly do affect our experience in a very powerful way, and so, when we are looking to manifest, it’s important to let our imaginations run wild, dreaming the biggest and best possible dreams and following that vision out in vivid detail.

However, the universe usually has something even better in mind if we simply allow it.

This is where our egos struggle a bit, as it wants to hold onto that specific vision and then make us feel bad when things don’t go exactly as planned.

We have to have faith and surrender to those circumstances out of our control in order to experience the best possible outcome for our souls.

I learned this lesson again recently on a retreat I had manifested for myself to get out of the city to do some healing and writing, as I set off on a journey that took me on mountain highways over 3000 feet high with nothing but solid white fog surrounding me.

When I arrived at Randy Bruck’s lakeside oasis, I was greeted with a smudge and chime to cleanse my energy upon entering…the magic had begun, and this retreat was turning out to be just as I imagined it would be and exactly what I had planned when manifesting it.

I relaxed, wrote in my journal, received remote energy work from another healer, then indulged myself with a 2 hour energy healing and massage with Randy. The evening was capped off with a delicious meal with my host, and I retired to my room to continue writing in my journal, thinking to myself “what an absolutely perfect retreat.”

I awoke the next day early with a desire to squeeze in as much writing as I could as I was set to depart from my mini retreat that day, and I noticed how light it looked outside, thinking to myself how beautifully bright the mountains are in the morning.

But upon drawing back the curtains, I saw more than just the bright mountain sky… (more…)