When asked how I’m doing by friends who haven’t heard from me in awhile, I often say that I’m finally emerging from my cave…because for me, that was what the first few years of motherhood felt like.
I had read all of the books; my ego told me “I should have been prepared.”
But that isn’t how life works sometimes. Sometimes, the best preparation is simply practicing presence and surrender so that when sh*t gets messy, there is something deep inside that keeps you going.
Although I’m not ready to share all of the details yet, I will share that the unimaginable happened after my son was born and he spent his first couple of months in the NICU instead of with us at home.
It taught me that I have a lioness inside willing to fight for my child when the need arose, and I shifted to a more primal existence, one where survival ranked high and being seen and heard didn’t even show up in my awareness (or if it did, it was small and subtle, in dreams and passing moments).
Being in a cave was also a beautiful thing in that living in the present moment was necessary for survival; I couldn’t fathom thinking of what the next 5 years would look like when I could only see what the day ahead would bring.
I’m so grateful to share that despite a rough start, our son is thriving, and I equally thank the angels, my ancestors, and every single doctor, nurse and therapist who was a part of his healing process along the way.
Over the past several months, I’ve been hearing those whispers from my intuition again, the ones that invite me back into the light to radiate not only the messages I felt called to share before, but also to share a new one:
the world needs more powerful compassion for ALL of it, both the beauty AND the mess
Because life IS messy sometimes, and sometimes that mess can overwhelm us. And then we beat ourselves up for not “taking care of our mess,” but the reality is that when we’re in that space is when we need love most of all.
And so, here I am, emerging from my cave after learning to dance more gracefully with my shadows and those messy parts of myself I refused to look at before.
I’ve recommitted to the practices that changed my relationship to my own energy in the past and followed my intuition as I felt called to create something new.
And, in a classic “the Universe has a sense of humor” moment, the entire process was rife with mess.
The evening was planned out, our child was in bed, my partner in the director’s seat, and I was in my flow…only to discover after over 2 hours of filming that the sound was unusable.
And so I recognized the mess, gave myself just a moment to sit in it, then cleaned back up and went at it again.
The next planned evening was brutally hot, but I was determined to get the right lighting, so I set up the tripod outside and bought one of those cheap remote controls for my iphone camera so that I could coordinate the takes by myself while my partner stayed inside to keep an eye on our son.
Again, I was in my flow…until back to back airplanes flew right over the house for several minutes in a row.
So I sat in the mess, blotted the sweat from my face, and kept going.
Again, and again, and again, until finally I had filmed enough takes to *hopefully* ensure there would be something usable in editing.
And then, it all just seemed to click together.
The lighting worked, the sound worked, but most importantly, my message was strong and clear.
I share this with you to remind you that there is often a mess behind every finished product that is presented to you…but the fact that it is in front of you now means that someone, somewhere, saw that mess and worked through it anyway.
Messy journey and all, I am excited to share my finished product with you because I truly believe in the power of these processes.
It’s a 3 day video mini course called Chaos to Calm, and in it I teach 3 insightful tools from the world of hypnosis that will shift your energy, no matter what’s going on in the world around you.
You can access the course here – my gift to you, absolutely free:
Click here for the Chaos to Calm Mini Course
Because no matter how messy it all seems, we are the ones who choose how long we want to sit in it and when we’re ready to clean it all up and create something beautiful.
With big, big love,
“A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.” ~ Anonymous
I’ve just returned from an amazing trip back in Oklahoma, spending time with my friends and family, and reconnecting to my roots.
Of course, as is often the case with travel and intense family time, my ego ran into several challenges to shake my foundation, giving my intuition an opportunity to step in and steer the ship.
The first lesson came before I even arrived, as mechanical issues with my connecting flight from LAX set into motion a missed flight and surprise overnight in Denver.
My first reaction? I’m not proud to admit that it was “righteous” anger. “I mean, really, how dare they ruin my trip???”
Fortunately the work I do to catch my ego in its tracks paid off, and I was able to quickly re-route the track it was heading down; striking a balance between action and surrender, I was able to receive the gift the Universe was sending me.
Here’s how I struck that balance and how you can stay grounded when life takes unexpected detours.
1. I brought awareness to my energy.
Everything is energy, and everything flows more smoothly when I’m intimately aware of the state of the energy that is working through and around me.
When I found out the flight had been cancelled, my energy got muddled. Only moments before, I had been sitting at an airport cafe, enjoying a cup of herbal tea and cookie, while telling stories and laughing with my man.
How often do catch ourselves wondering why we feel off, not realizing until after the fact that some event has thrown our energy way off balance?
To reduce the “shock to your system,” I recommend pausing throughout your day to get real and get clear about how your energy is flowing, so that when an event or circumstance does upset it, you can take steps more quickly to get realigned.
2. I owned my choices.
Awareness leads to choice – was I going to stay stuck, wasting my own precious energy or choose to ground myself in what is?
Fortunately for me (and those around me), I chose to ground myself by slowing down and refusing to give into the panic.
It’s cliche because it works…take that one deep breath, even if (and especially if) you “don’t have the time.”
3. I made space to appreciate the magic.
Not only did I ground myself, but I also chose to consciously experience the magic in that moment.
You see, right there in the terminal, among the chaos of travelers, a tiny bird had flown in from outside and was flitting from table to water fountain to the top of signs and back again.
For me, the vision of birds opens up feelings of freedom and a release of worry, and this sweet little Spirit was no exception.
4. I infused action with kindness.
While waiting in line to speak with a customer service agent, the murmurs and grumbling were hard to ignore. But instead of judging their choices, I took it all in with compassion.
Yes, frustration can feel all too real…I run into it all the time. So I respected their feelings while staying mindful to not absorb their energy.
Maintaining our own energy in a loving space becomes quite a bit more challenging when it feels like everyone else is on a completely different page.
Try this: the next time you are feeling “energetically sensitive,” zip up your energy by pulling up an imaginary zipper from in front of your feet to above your head. It might sound silly but it sends a quick and direct message to your subconscious to keep your energy in and others out.
When I stepped up to the counter, I started with gratitude and thanked the agent in advance for her help. I kept the conversation pleasant, but I didn’t settle until I felt we had found a good solution.
Are you currently dealing with a problem in your life where this might apply? Can you envision how much more empowered and connected you’ll feel when you focus on what’s in your control – your own energy – and affect change from a space of kindness instead of anger or force?
5. I let go and enjoyed the ride.
At the end of the day, my travel plans changed, but I didn’t meditate in a corner wishing for a new flight to appear.
I took action…but then I let go.
And I’m so glad I did.
As it turned out, my man just happens to have a good friend who lives in Denver, and who just happened to be available that evening. We were whisked off to a great evening laughing, playing Nintendo, and catching up before we got a great night of sleep and lovely brunch before resuming our trip.
As always, the Universe had something even better in store for me; perhaps you’ll find that it does for you too.
I’d love to hear from you: How can you apply the lessons I learned to a circumstance in your life, where unexpected detours seem to be leading you off track?
“To the ego mind, surrender means giving up.
To the spiritual mind, surrender means giving in and receiving.”
~Marianne Williamson, from The Law of Divine Compensation
While many were celebrating Thanksgiving this past week, immersed in abundance (connections, food, fun!), I was embarking on a deep journey within as I settled in at home alone for a 3 day White Light healing intensive with one of my teachers, Belinda Davidson.
What can I say…I’ve always done things a little differently.
My choice to immerse myself in this healing wasn’t just a fulfillment of my rebel tendencies, but a Divinely timed and much-needed break from the busyness of my world. It had been nearly 9 months since I had last embarked on such a retreat (read about that experience here), and I know myself well enough to know that I need a “reset” on the mind, body, and soul level more than just once a year.
Plus, my intuition told me it was time for another round of intensive healing, and as my intuition has yet to lead me astray, I chose once again to listen to her wisdom.
So I set up vacation auto-responders on my emails, made a “goodbye internet friends” announcement on my Facebook wall, and then quietly slipped into that sweet space unplugged from the online world.
Going into my retreat, I had high expectations of long hours meditating, journals filled with reflective writing, and perhaps even a hike in the mountains and some intensive time spent on my yoga mat.
The day started off well enough; without the internet to distract me, I was finally able to dig into my growing stack of Yoga Journal magazines and read through 4 of them while spread out in my backyard on a blanket.
But a storm was brewing – both outside and within – and things had shifted for me once I finished reading and came back inside.
Instead of floating around in a space of bliss, I found myself in a state of panic and struggle with all the toxic thoughts and feelings that rushed to the surface when I slowed down enough to simply be.
My demons were here and ready to dance…and dance we did.
The first song was an old familiar tune called “What are you doing with your life?” with such lyrics as “Mistakes, mistakes, everywhere mistakes” and “Sure it might work for them, but would never work for you, you, you” and my old favorite “Hey, hey – give it up, give it up, give it up, hey!”
It’s a real catchy tune ;).
But dancing with demons was just the beginning…the Universe never leaves me stranded (in fact, it never leaves me at all), and I began to question why this had become the soundtrack of my life?
Or rather, an even better question, how long had this been playing on repeat in the background, sabotaging my inspired action with its negative energy?
In that moment I realized that I had become addicted to the busyness and craved the noise that came with it, trying to drown out my fears, rather than seeing them, accepting them and releasing them.
When I was tired of dancing with these demons, I decided that I would just “fix” it.
“I’m an intuitive coach! I can handle a little negative self-talk! Where are my tools – I just need my tools!”
And yet, the harder I tried, the harder it became to deal with.
Then…I got it. The healing began, as I experienced a “miracle” – or shift in perception – and I understood clearly the message the Universe was sending me all along…
My intuition brought me back to the truth that I am supported – in ways I could see, but also in many many ways that I couldn’t.
By the end of day 2, the storms had passed, literally and figuratively, and I emerged from my cave to take my dogs on a walk – intuitively knowing that physical movement and body love has always been key for me to integrate truth and get any remaining energy unstuck.
When I stepped outside, I saw how vibrant the world really is. The rain gave the air a crispness I could feel in my lungs as I took deep, cleansing breaths. I walked through my neighborhood recognizing that I didn’t have all the answers…and I was perfectly ok with that.
By day 3, I felt lighter than I had in weeks, leaving my demons behind as I stepped into a more expansive space of trust. Does that mean I’m “cured” – struggles now a thing of the past?
Surely not. As long as I’m alive and breathing with both an ego and intuition vying for my attention, I know I’ll forget once again.
But the beauty, the real beauty of life, isn’t in the forgetting but in the opportunity we have to remember who we are and how supported we are in each new moment, again and again and again.
I would love to hear from you: What does surrender look like right now in your life?
I’ve always struggled with this idea that in order to get what you really want in life, you have to release expectations around what it will look like when it shows up.
But the Universe doesn’t let us struggle for long; in fact, I’ve found that it usually has a way of presenting opportunities to work through our struggles to learn the lesson on the other side.
The opportunity to learn this particular lesson popped up just last Monday when my 2 week Italian holiday plans got derailed. (more…)