And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.
Be the Best: 3 simple words spoken with love that set off my life long journey to make peace with perfectionism.
I’m getting ahead of myself, so let me back up, oh, about 25 years ago. My dad had discovered the work of Denis Waitley at the height of the “success mindset” movement. Dad, who was a bit of an over-achiever himself, loved what he heard and embraced the mantra “Be the Best,” sending my brother and I off to school each day with these (fateful) words.
And so with daily repetition my young subconscious mind rooted that program in deeply, as I started each day of school with the focus to “Be the Best” in everything that I did.
I strived to achieve the highest grades, be the most reliable friend, and involve myself in the best activities and groups (whatever that meant). I was even trying to “be the best” with the party crowd, staying out the latest and partying the hardest, thus setting up the foundation for a work hard/play hard way of life.
And in many ways, I was the best, graduating high school and college at the top of my class and getting recruited while still in school for a lucrative and flexible marketing job in a large corporation right after graduation.
But perfectionism’s kissing cousin burnout was just around the corner, and I quit that “great-on-paper” job just 6 months into it, acting on a feeling that it just wasn’t right (thank you very much, intuition). Fortunately, the Universe took care of me, as it always does, steering me to a job in the world of travel just a couple of short weeks after leaving my first job.
And yet, as we so often find when we don’t get to the root of an issue, I found myself still dealing with the same problem, albeit surrounded by new scenery. I continued pushing too hard, never accepting that “my best” was “the best,” as the travel industry became the entertainment industry became the coaching and healing industry.
But through time and a deepening connection to my intuition and authentic self, I started to come to a greater awareness of the misunderstanding that was at the root of my perfectionism: that my best in any given moment had very little to do with what my ego mind thought it did.
When I really listened to my truth, I recognized that being my best was so much less about what I was doing and so much more about the actual being part.
This lesson has landed in an even deeper way in recent months, as I consciously shifted my energy to prepare for motherhood. Yes, you read that right – I’m going to be a mommy :).
And in many ways, my pregnancy journey has been truly glorious and beyond my wildest dreams as I open, expand, and embrace all that is and all that is coming forth. But it has also been one more beautifully intense lesson to reacquaint myself with what it means to be the best, with my ego accusing me of falling short of this goal as I consciously slow down in my business and life.
In fact, part of the reason I haven’t written in a couple of months is because I wanted to truly share the “best” version of my pregnancy journey. I wanted to wrap up all of my lessons in a pretty package and present it to you in all its glory, bright and shiny with a bow on top.
Thankfully I have practiced listening to my intuition enough to hear it speak up and remind me that to simply be here now is the fullest expression of being the best, so I switched my focus from trying to be something other than what I already am to seeing instead the magic in every seemingly ordinary moment.
Click to tweet>> What if instead of asking “what am I capable of?” we ask “what is the Universe capable of through me?” <<Click to tweet
The world is more than just what we achieve on our own; remembering that the Universe is here to support and help you co-create not only takes the pressure off of this perfectionist goal to be the best, but also reminds you that more often than not, you don’t need to DO anything for magic to exist in the world.
And trust me, magic is the very nature of our world, showing up in so many amazing ways, always revealed to us when we seek it. So nowadays I strive to gauge each day on this magic that exists, even in the ordinary, and appreciate the co-creation that is always sparking between my open heart and the world around me.
I invite you to join me; start with the simple intention every morning to “see the magic” and ask the Universe to “show you the magic” in the world around you as it guides you to be the best co-creator you can be in each little moment.
And then trust…yourself AND the Universe as you work together to create your perfect life.
I’d love to hear from you: what “ordinary moments of magic” have revealed themselves to you today?
I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me, And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
I had the absolute pleasure of hosting a live Google Hangout with my dear friend Liz Dialto yesterday, as we dove into the topic of “How to Dance with your Shadow” – one of my favorite subjects as it’s one that I deal with on a daily basis whether in my own life or with my intuitive coaching and hypnotherapy clients.
As always, I walked away learning a lot – about myself, my work, and how I can share these tools in an even deeper way with my tribe – so I invite you to join our conversation by watching the video above, as we share stories and principles that can support you as you learn to dance with your shadow.
Here are just a few of those insights from our conversation in the meantime:
No matter how far along on our journey we are…our shadow is always there. But it doesn’t have to be something that we judge or avoid…in fact, when we start to see its appearances as something to look forward to, as a sign that we’ve expanded into something big, then everything begins to fall into perspective.
Our shadow is our own unique “dark side” – that part of us that points us exactly to where we can learn and grow and expand more fully in our lives, and mine will look different from yours (though often there are quite a few overlaps – fear has many faces but they often look alike).
For me, my shadow often shows up as a “who are you to guide others in their life” – questioning my place in the world to shine brightly and stand tall for what I feel is truth. I work through this in many ways – several of which you’ll find sprinkled throughout my blog – but what always works best for me is a consistent return to the now, with compassion and with trust, and giving myself a “fresh start” in each new moment as I allow what needs to unfold to unfold.
For Liz, her shadow shows up when she finds that speaking her truth triggers someone’s insecurity – prompting them to lash out towards her, the source of that trigger. She shares a beautifully organic process that has allowed her to dance with her shadows – a cycle that allows her to flow through each of those challenges in a deeper way each time. She calls this having a “super deep self-love, self-trust, acceptance of herself, and deep faith.”
Here’s what it looks like to stop and hold the space for the energy to move through you so you can truly Dance with YOUR Shadow:
1. Honor the shadow! Whatever crappy emotions come up, let them move THROUGH you – you are a Spiritual being having a human experience, so release that energy so it gets out of you. Express it – write it, share it with trusted friends – whatever it takes to get it out in a healthy way.
2. Put on mega-watt goggles of compassion and recognize that those negative emotions are NOT your Truth.
3. Forgive and send love. This does NOT mean that the behavior is “ok” – this simply releases the hold it has over you so you can release it. It’s not our job to know the full story of someone else’s journey, so forgive even if you don’t understand the “why” of their actions.
4. Move your body! Listen to music, get out of your head…and if necessary, repeat the above until you feel it’s moved through you.
5. Once the charge has been removed enough, create space to allow the lessons to come. Why did this happen? How can this pattern be avoided in the future? Then come back to that trust of yourself and the Universe, and that your Shadow came here to teach you the lessons you were meant to learn.
Click to tweet >> Learn to dance with your shadow in these 5 easy steps w/ @LizDialto & @SabrinaBolin << Click to tweet
Liz and I recognize that there is not ONE way – the above is simply a set of tools for you to try on and see what resonates.
We both encourage you to stay open to ways the Universe is supporting you – through people, through books, through processes that speak to your soul. The shadow dances around in our blind spots, so it’s important for us to seek with intuitive discernment those ways that we can allow our shadow to be reflected back so that we can dance with it, heal it, grow through it.
One way to really take this work deeper is through Wild Soul Movement.
Wild Soul Movement is a 12 week video-based practice that combines movement, mantra and meditation.
HOW IT WORKS
FALL SESSION | STARTS SEPTEMBER 29, 2014
ONE FOLLOW-ALONG VIDEO PER WEEK
A DIGITAL JOURNAL TO GUIDE YOUR EXPERIENCE
FOUR TOPICS TO EXPLORE
FOUR COMMUNITY Q+A CALLS
PRIVATE FACEBOOK GROUP
I’m a proud partner of this program, as its intentions are so aligned with and supportive of the work I do with my clients, guiding you to move the energy through you as you surrender and release, trust and receive, dream and desire, and create from a space more connected to your inner wisdom.
Enrollment for the Fall Session closes this Friday, so if you’re ready to say yes to that intuitive nudge, join Liz here:
Wild Soul Movement – Fall Enrollment
No matter how you choose to dance with your shadow, recognize how important this work truly is…and that you’re NEVER alone on this journey, with Universe and guides to support you along the way.
I’d love to hear from you! How do you dance with YOUR shadows in life and more fully accept yourself both light and dark?
“We’re living in an amazing time where we’re finding out just how malleable and changeable we really are.”
The first book I ever purchased on the topic of hypnosis was recommended to me by dear friend and fellow hypnotherapist, Melany Cohen, who rang me up and said:
“Sabrina, you have to read this book by Melissa Tiers – it’s called Integrative Hypnosis, and it covers just about everything you need to know to understand how all this stuff works.”
I took her advice to heart and ordered a copy on Amazon…and was blown away.
Since then I’ve become an über fan of Melissa’s work, investing in her next 2 books, The Anti-Anxiety Toolkit and Keeping the Brain in Mind, as well as enrolling and graduating from her virtual e-course on Coaching the Unconscious Mind and her live intensive in New York City Integrative Hypnosis.
So when Melissa agreed to let me interview her on the power of the mind and where the neuroscience supports the work I do as an intuitive coach and hypnotherapist, I was giddy to say the least!
We’re truly lucky in this day and age, as we haven’t always lived in a time where the mind-body (and mind-body-soul!) connection was so readily accepted and studied under a microscope.
In fact, at the very top of our interview, Melissa shares a great story about an experience she had 12 years ago when she was training a group of doctors in subconscious mind techniques. One in particular kept questioning the whole idea of Mind-Body medicine, and Melissa’s response to him is priceless as she provides indisputable evidence of one way most adults experience the mind-body connection every day (you have to watch the video for her explanation!).
Her wit, intelligence, and passion for the subject shines through as we sat down over Skype to talk about the past, present, and future of how we work with the mind to change our lives – here are a just few of the highlights:
- Down to the cellular level, mind is there.
- We can rewire our brains faster than we ever thought possible.
- Our brains do NOT stop changing at a certain age.
- Unconscious implicit memories that went in at a young age are now changeable.
- It’s as easy as creating alternative connections and pathways to old behaviors.
- Neuroplasticity is showing how we can literally change our past by changing our memories.
- Science is catching up to energy psychology and recognizing just how energetic we are.
Click to tweet>> Don’t underestimate the power of your mind; perception affects everything. ~Melissa Tiers <<Click to tweet
Without further ado, meet Melissa Tiers:
The conversation gets a bit technical at times (I’m a geek for science but recognize not everyone shares this with me!), so I wanted to further explain the two areas that are exciting her most:
Melissa talks about memory reconsolidation as the explanation behind why certain techniques in NLP and Integrative Hypnosis (two of the processes I’m trained in through her) actually change the synapses in your brain. From her book, Keeping the Brain in Mind, she explains it further:
“Memory reconsolidation refers to the idea that each time a past event (an “episodic memory”) is remembered, it is stored in a slightly different way depending on what else was in the mind at the time the memory was recalled. The thoughts being thought and the experiences behind had when that memory is recalled become linked to it so that the next time the memory is recalled, those thoughts and experiences may also appear.”
So what does this mean in a practical sense? It means that your memories are always changing depending on how you recall them, so you have a choice and the power to turn “bad” memories into more helpful – and sometimes, even GOOD – ones!
Melissa also mentions epigenetics, which is the science studying our ability to turn on and off gene expression…that’s right, the age-old nature versus nurture conversation is leaning even more in favor of nurture these days, as we have more power than we realized to reduce the potential for certain traits and diseases!
Can you imagine a world where we truly begin tapping into our fullest potential? Where disease is a thing of the past, and we’ve learned to look past the limitations we experience in our lives?
It’s pretty exciting to see the ways that the future is already happening NOW, as we step more fully into this possibility every day.
I hope Melissa’s work has inspired you the way she has inspired me; to learn more from her, visit her website at The Center for Integrative Hypnosis by clicking here.
We would love to hear from you: How have you directly experienced the power of the mind in your life?
Join the conversation in the comments below!
P.S. If you’d like support in experiencing these processes firsthand, click the below for details on my 35% off birthday special in July on Intuitive Coaching + Hypnotherapy packages – I’d love to help you tap into the power of YOUR mind!